There Are Doors Everywhere

Life is filled with opportunities. Doors we open, doors we close, doors we walk through, and those we don't. Kink and BDSM are no different. One of the most significant opportunities I have found with my Mistress is that I can let go and be vulnerable. Vulnerability can be associated with uncertainty, risk, or emotional and physical exposure. For many, this emotion is not particularly common in everyday life. We tend to walk safely through our lives as we know them, with our usual routines, avoiding discomfort as much as possible. We become truly vulnerable when we step out of the constraints of every day. I have always sought this feeling when adventuring in the world of BDSM, but it has been rare for me to find a person who truly instills this emotion. This vulnerability or uncertainty, stemming from a genuinely dominant woman, touches a part of me that few are aware of.

I think the greatest vulnerability many don't realize in D/s is emotional vulnerability. Given my experience in the lifestyle, I also did not understand this concept and how it would affect me. I knew that lifestyle-dominant women were rare. While I'd always thought about it, I had never experienced it. It just seemed like such a long shot to me. I am sure there will be many stories about how we got to where we are, but I want to keep this post about my emotional vulnerability as it is something I've "been having a moment" with lately.

I was definitely sub at first sight when I met my Mistress. I knew immediately that She was different, that She was intelligent and sincere. A power came screaming through every word, authentic and inherent in who she was. She was exactly who she was meant to be, and it filled the air. What I didn't know was that it would take me by storm. Not immediately, our bond has grown over time (we met just about a year ago). The more time we spent together, the deeper I felt for Her. I was comfortable in who I was as a submissive with Her and I can never get enough of just being in Her presence. Sometimes, life challenges us; as I've discussed, distance is that one for us. It's more related to work and family, but we can go weeks without seeing one another. It is even more difficult for me when I am away from home with work. I long to see Her, and it physically hurts. Needy or clingy are not words that I would want describe how I feel, but I will not lie. They were the first things that popped into my head. I am usually a very emotionally stable person. I don't bring drama and generally don't deal with drama coming at me well. I have been away for a few weeks now and I unleashed a relentless wave of attention towards Her because I was feeling vulnerable.

I felt vulnerable because I'd exposed myself to something that couldn't be true. This fantastic, powerful Woman has so many choices; She can't want me. The more I thought about it, the more I overcompensated for it. I lost confidence in who I am as a person, something that never happens to me, and I started to panic. I was vulnerable because I had revealed what I was actually feeling, and I thought if I said it enough times, everything would be ok. I forgot that part of our bond is the ease with which we came together, without all of the trappings of a trad relationship, but with all of the good things two friends can bring to one another. Lack of pressure to be a certain way, living in the moment, and, most of all, genuine compatibility. As always a "do or die" man, I marched right up to the edge and was ready for the reality I'd created in my head. It's just who I am to walk into something, take the good or the bad, and move on. I've been blocking thing out of my head all my life. In this instance, I couldn't. I presented myself to Her in perfect martyrdom, ready for the worst. My vulnerability in this instance came without cause, and 12 small words "you are as important to me now as you have ever been" saved me from myself. I instantly recognized who I'd been over those couple of days, and it wasn't me.

As I am sure most of you are saying in your head, "he's in love with Her," and yes, this is the most accurate fact in all the land. I've become so vulnerable in this that I forgot that I bring value to the relationship and that my submission is authentic and rare too. I forgot that She hasn't really had a man who treated Her with all the respect and admiration I have for Her in Her life. Getting used to that is a learning process in and of itself. I know I can feel more deeply than most men, and when your Goddess appears, it's a hard horse to hold back. This is not a fault in me, it's actually a gift. I needed to remember that the universe got it right this time. I am always learning, learning Her, me, and Us. Vulnerability is the catalyst for learning and growth.  She safely owns me, figuratively and literally. I am Hers, and I wouldn't have it any other way.